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.His friends grabbed his arms and dragged him into the microbus like he was the last grunt to make a chopper as it lifted off a hot landing zone.Shaq was behind the wheel and cranked the engine.Dimples walked calmly over to the microbus, put her head against the side, and pushed.The microbus rocked once, twice, and over it went, pinning the driver side door against the asphalt and trapping the little people inside.Dimples strolled back to the barn and disappeared inside just behind Timmy the Tiger.I headed for the barn, stopped at the door, and looked back at the microbus full of dwarves – all of them too short to reach the passenger door which now faced skyward.They were screaming at me to help them out, alternating between threats and pleading.I took stock.Royal Rob would probably kill me on sight now.Vincent the Hammer would be here in less than twenty-four hours to measure me for a rug, and Delilah, my only hope for survival, had just disappeared.On the other hand, I’d just been saved from a band of heat-packing dwarves by an elephant and toothless tiger named Timmy.All in all, not a bad day.I went back into the barn to look for Toughie.Chapter 39I didn’t have to look far for Toughie.I found her tied to a chair in Ernie’s office just off the parking lot.“Shaq got the drop on me,” she said.She twisted in the chair to see me better, the rope biting into her beefy arms.“How’d they know where to find us?”“They visited Dr.Karl.”“What happened to Ernie?” I asked.“He went to the feed store.I told him I’d cover for him, that we’d be a while.”I untied her and we headed for the parking lot.The microbus, packed with really pissed-off little people, was still on its side.When we got to Toughie’s truck she nodded at the van.“How the hell did that happen?” she asked.“Dimples didn’t like them.”“Who says size doesn’t matter?”“Me usually,” I said before I caught myself.She eyed me up and down.“How’s that working out for you?”I shrugged.“Yeah, I figured,” she said and got in the truck.Normally I might have been insulted, but I had a bigger problem on my hands.I had to find Delilah.I got in the truck and the back of my legs immediately stuck to the hot seat.The thing was a microwave on wheels.“Which way did Delilah go?” Toughie asked.“She was gone by the time I got to the lot.”“Okay, I’m going to play a hunch, but you’re not coming.I’m taking you back to the motel and let the Roo brothers babysit.”“No way.Delilah’s going to be spooked after the run-in with Shaq.I’ve got to be there.She trusts me.”“Trusts you?”“Absolutely.”Toughie smiled.“You let her choose, didn’t you?”I’m not much of a mental chess player, but even I could see that if I answered that question, I’d have to answer the next one — what did she choose? And, since I wasn’t totally convinced about Toughie’s motives — would she tattle to Royal Rob that the love of his life viewed him with the enthusiasm a rabbi holds for a pork chop? — I decided to change the subject.“How’d Shaq get the drop on you? You’re bigger than he is.” I cocked my head and tried to look skeptical.“He had a gun,” she said, her expression telling me that the question was more stupid than skeptical.“And stop trying to change the subject.”Maybe I should stick with mental checkers.I glanced out the truck window.Across the street was a gas station with a huge sign on the roof: SLOTS.A white-haired woman in an old housedress and slippers, pulling an oxygen tank on wheels, was trudging across the station’s baking-hot parking lot toward the entrance.She was smoking a cigarette.For a second I envied the simplicity of her life — pull the handle, pray for three cherries, and don’t get the cigarette too close to the oxygen.“Well, what’d she choose?” Toughie said.“L.A.”“Does Royal Rob know?”“Not yet but I told Shaq where we were going.”Toughie turned slowly and stared at me.You’d think I’d just volunteered to fit Timmy for dentures.“Why the hell did you do that?” she said.“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” I said.Like the time I ate sixteen aspirin reasoning that if one aspirin would get rid of a headache, just imagine how much faster it’d go away if I took sixteen.Toughie studied me for a moment.“You really like her, don’t you?”“I really like staying alive,” I said.“Yeah, sure,” Toughie said and fired the truck’s engine and finally turned on the AC.She glanced again at Shaq’s overturned microbus.“Once they get out they’ll go straight to Royal Rob with the news.I better get there first.”“I’m going with you,” I repeated.“If you go into the Alcatraz without Delilah, you’ll be going out alone in a laundry cart.”Sometimes making a decision isn’t really all that hard.“Great, quality time with Jimmy and James, what could be better?” I quipped.Actually, I thought, just about anything would be better than another evening with the mob’s very own psychopathic versions of Tweedledum and Tweeldledee.A night with Mrs.O’Leary’s cow came immediately to mind.Toughie called ahead, and when we got to the motel Jimmy and James were waiting on the edge of the parking lot, leaning against the Continental their arms folded across their chests.Toughie slid out of the truck and I followed.I noticed a few dozen beer cans scattered across the asphalt, each of them full of bullet holes.“What the ….?” I said.But Toughie touched my shoulder and shook her head.“Boys and their toys,” she said and made a gesture like she was throwing something in the air.I had an image of Jimmy tossing the cans to the sky while James plugged them.Hillbilly skeet.“You’re just in time,” Jimmy said.“In time for what?” I asked and glanced back at the beer cans.James nodded to the room.“Animal Planet.Yaks In The Wild is on next.”I turned to Toughie.“Got any aspirin?”Chapter 40About two the next morning, Royal Rob pounded on the motel door.Jimmy and James jumped from their beds and went to it, each holding a handgun as big as a Buick.Jimmy jerked the door open, James a foot behind him.Both had their guns raised.Royal Rob glanced at them, a quick up and down appraisal, then pushed his way into the room undeterred.Perhaps the threat of deadly force was undercut somewhat by the brothers’ matching Winnie the Pooh boxers [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.His friends grabbed his arms and dragged him into the microbus like he was the last grunt to make a chopper as it lifted off a hot landing zone.Shaq was behind the wheel and cranked the engine.Dimples walked calmly over to the microbus, put her head against the side, and pushed.The microbus rocked once, twice, and over it went, pinning the driver side door against the asphalt and trapping the little people inside.Dimples strolled back to the barn and disappeared inside just behind Timmy the Tiger.I headed for the barn, stopped at the door, and looked back at the microbus full of dwarves – all of them too short to reach the passenger door which now faced skyward.They were screaming at me to help them out, alternating between threats and pleading.I took stock.Royal Rob would probably kill me on sight now.Vincent the Hammer would be here in less than twenty-four hours to measure me for a rug, and Delilah, my only hope for survival, had just disappeared.On the other hand, I’d just been saved from a band of heat-packing dwarves by an elephant and toothless tiger named Timmy.All in all, not a bad day.I went back into the barn to look for Toughie.Chapter 39I didn’t have to look far for Toughie.I found her tied to a chair in Ernie’s office just off the parking lot.“Shaq got the drop on me,” she said.She twisted in the chair to see me better, the rope biting into her beefy arms.“How’d they know where to find us?”“They visited Dr.Karl.”“What happened to Ernie?” I asked.“He went to the feed store.I told him I’d cover for him, that we’d be a while.”I untied her and we headed for the parking lot.The microbus, packed with really pissed-off little people, was still on its side.When we got to Toughie’s truck she nodded at the van.“How the hell did that happen?” she asked.“Dimples didn’t like them.”“Who says size doesn’t matter?”“Me usually,” I said before I caught myself.She eyed me up and down.“How’s that working out for you?”I shrugged.“Yeah, I figured,” she said and got in the truck.Normally I might have been insulted, but I had a bigger problem on my hands.I had to find Delilah.I got in the truck and the back of my legs immediately stuck to the hot seat.The thing was a microwave on wheels.“Which way did Delilah go?” Toughie asked.“She was gone by the time I got to the lot.”“Okay, I’m going to play a hunch, but you’re not coming.I’m taking you back to the motel and let the Roo brothers babysit.”“No way.Delilah’s going to be spooked after the run-in with Shaq.I’ve got to be there.She trusts me.”“Trusts you?”“Absolutely.”Toughie smiled.“You let her choose, didn’t you?”I’m not much of a mental chess player, but even I could see that if I answered that question, I’d have to answer the next one — what did she choose? And, since I wasn’t totally convinced about Toughie’s motives — would she tattle to Royal Rob that the love of his life viewed him with the enthusiasm a rabbi holds for a pork chop? — I decided to change the subject.“How’d Shaq get the drop on you? You’re bigger than he is.” I cocked my head and tried to look skeptical.“He had a gun,” she said, her expression telling me that the question was more stupid than skeptical.“And stop trying to change the subject.”Maybe I should stick with mental checkers.I glanced out the truck window.Across the street was a gas station with a huge sign on the roof: SLOTS.A white-haired woman in an old housedress and slippers, pulling an oxygen tank on wheels, was trudging across the station’s baking-hot parking lot toward the entrance.She was smoking a cigarette.For a second I envied the simplicity of her life — pull the handle, pray for three cherries, and don’t get the cigarette too close to the oxygen.“Well, what’d she choose?” Toughie said.“L.A.”“Does Royal Rob know?”“Not yet but I told Shaq where we were going.”Toughie turned slowly and stared at me.You’d think I’d just volunteered to fit Timmy for dentures.“Why the hell did you do that?” she said.“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” I said.Like the time I ate sixteen aspirin reasoning that if one aspirin would get rid of a headache, just imagine how much faster it’d go away if I took sixteen.Toughie studied me for a moment.“You really like her, don’t you?”“I really like staying alive,” I said.“Yeah, sure,” Toughie said and fired the truck’s engine and finally turned on the AC.She glanced again at Shaq’s overturned microbus.“Once they get out they’ll go straight to Royal Rob with the news.I better get there first.”“I’m going with you,” I repeated.“If you go into the Alcatraz without Delilah, you’ll be going out alone in a laundry cart.”Sometimes making a decision isn’t really all that hard.“Great, quality time with Jimmy and James, what could be better?” I quipped.Actually, I thought, just about anything would be better than another evening with the mob’s very own psychopathic versions of Tweedledum and Tweeldledee.A night with Mrs.O’Leary’s cow came immediately to mind.Toughie called ahead, and when we got to the motel Jimmy and James were waiting on the edge of the parking lot, leaning against the Continental their arms folded across their chests.Toughie slid out of the truck and I followed.I noticed a few dozen beer cans scattered across the asphalt, each of them full of bullet holes.“What the ….?” I said.But Toughie touched my shoulder and shook her head.“Boys and their toys,” she said and made a gesture like she was throwing something in the air.I had an image of Jimmy tossing the cans to the sky while James plugged them.Hillbilly skeet.“You’re just in time,” Jimmy said.“In time for what?” I asked and glanced back at the beer cans.James nodded to the room.“Animal Planet.Yaks In The Wild is on next.”I turned to Toughie.“Got any aspirin?”Chapter 40About two the next morning, Royal Rob pounded on the motel door.Jimmy and James jumped from their beds and went to it, each holding a handgun as big as a Buick.Jimmy jerked the door open, James a foot behind him.Both had their guns raised.Royal Rob glanced at them, a quick up and down appraisal, then pushed his way into the room undeterred.Perhaps the threat of deadly force was undercut somewhat by the brothers’ matching Winnie the Pooh boxers [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]