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.I remember asking Tristan if he is a control freak, when in actual fact, it’s probably me.“George, am I a control freak?”“Well, in the general terms of the saying, yes I would class you as one.You crave control in your life.” I nod feeling stupid that I asked Tristan if he was one when he clearly is not! Stupid-ass Coral!“But you’re not a freak Coral,” he admonishes.“So let’s work through it all.Your job is safe, it may change somewhat in the work you are asked to do, but you feel confident in that?” I nod.“Good.Tristan, well he’s completely up to you.But I would go with letting him in, telling him what happened.” I bite my lip, just thinking about that conversation has me feeling nervous.“Take your time with your decision Coral, there’s no rush.” I nod knowing he’s right.“Gladys, talk to her.Tell her how you really feel or brave it all and let her go.” I nod knowing I’m going to have to do one or the other.The trouble is which one?“Ok, so let’s end with a high.” George adds.“I had a great night out with Rob last night,” I chuckle remembering our terrible singing.“Did get a little too drunk though,” I add feeling dog tired.“Good, having fun with your friends is imperative.” George tells me.“I have Lily’s birthday party this weekend, and Gladys and Malcolm are taking me out tomorrow night, to meet under better circumstances, they already have wedding plans.” I roll my eyes at that one.I really hope Gladys doesn’t ask me to be bridesmaid.“Good, lots of enjoyable events to look forward to.” George says.“Yep,” I sigh heavily.George narrows his eyes at me.“Ok, so what’s really on your mind Coral?”I feel all the air leave me.“I don’t think I can do it again,” I whisper.“I keep having nightmares, not all the time, just when.” I drift off.“Do what again Coral?” George asks softly.“Have sex.” I tremble, my hands clenching into fists.“Why ever not?” George asks, astonished.I squeeze my eyes shut.I’ve almost told George so many times, then chickened out.“Because of Justin?” He prompts.I shake my head.“Then what Coral?” He questions.I open my eyes and stare out of the window, trying to block out the memory, the feelings, but it’s no good - My stomach rolls, and I know I’m going to be sick – Shit!I slap my hand to my mouth, dash up out of my seat and run flat out for the bathroom, flinging the door open I run to the toilet and vomit; over and over again, until all I’m left with is dry retching.When it finally ends I flush the toilet and head over to the sink.As I’m washing my mouth out with water, I hear George softly tap the door.“Coral?”“I’m ok.” I answer and take several gulps off water.“Can I come in?” George asks softly.“I’m coming.” I answer and head out the door.I turn to the right, to follow George back to his office and lose my balance; my head feels so woozy.George quickly catches me, then puts his arm around my waist and leads me back into his office, sitting me down he hands me a glass of water.“Thanks.” I croak my throat feeling burned.Stupid Coral! I’m never drinking again when I have George the next day.Hangover, no food, hot weather, finding Gladys with a man, and Tristan making me feel all funny is not a good combination.George sighs heavily and sits down opposite me.“Coral, why do I get the feeling I don’t know everything? That you’re holding something back?”I frown deeply, staring at the glass in my hand.“I made a mistake.” I tell him.And it was a mistake, a huge mistake!“We all do.” George offers.“A stupid one, one that cost me.” I add.“And the mistake is?” George asks.I shake my head again.I don't want to talk about it.“Coral, I can’t help you if you don’t’ – “I can't ok!” I shout.George is silent, he knows how to deal with my little outbursts.“I’ve got to go!” I tell him, quickly scrambling up to my feet.“Coral,” he admonishes.“You know you shouldn’t’ – “I know.” I stop and stare back at him.Shouldn’t leave a session on a downer, it should always be an upper.“George.” I whisper.“Yes.” He answers softly.“One day.” I tell him.George nods silently.I know he knows what I mean, that I’ll tell him when I’m ready.“See you next Tuesday then?” He asks.“Actually, with everything going on I was going to ask.I feel bad though.” I say, my hands twisting together anxiously.George smiles broadly at me.“You want another session?” he says.I nod in agreement.“You don’t have to George, you’re retired for goodness sake, you shouldn’t have to.” I sigh heavily.Why oh why do I always feel guilty - about everything?“It’s absolutely fine Coral.”“Really?” I squeak [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.I remember asking Tristan if he is a control freak, when in actual fact, it’s probably me.“George, am I a control freak?”“Well, in the general terms of the saying, yes I would class you as one.You crave control in your life.” I nod feeling stupid that I asked Tristan if he was one when he clearly is not! Stupid-ass Coral!“But you’re not a freak Coral,” he admonishes.“So let’s work through it all.Your job is safe, it may change somewhat in the work you are asked to do, but you feel confident in that?” I nod.“Good.Tristan, well he’s completely up to you.But I would go with letting him in, telling him what happened.” I bite my lip, just thinking about that conversation has me feeling nervous.“Take your time with your decision Coral, there’s no rush.” I nod knowing he’s right.“Gladys, talk to her.Tell her how you really feel or brave it all and let her go.” I nod knowing I’m going to have to do one or the other.The trouble is which one?“Ok, so let’s end with a high.” George adds.“I had a great night out with Rob last night,” I chuckle remembering our terrible singing.“Did get a little too drunk though,” I add feeling dog tired.“Good, having fun with your friends is imperative.” George tells me.“I have Lily’s birthday party this weekend, and Gladys and Malcolm are taking me out tomorrow night, to meet under better circumstances, they already have wedding plans.” I roll my eyes at that one.I really hope Gladys doesn’t ask me to be bridesmaid.“Good, lots of enjoyable events to look forward to.” George says.“Yep,” I sigh heavily.George narrows his eyes at me.“Ok, so what’s really on your mind Coral?”I feel all the air leave me.“I don’t think I can do it again,” I whisper.“I keep having nightmares, not all the time, just when.” I drift off.“Do what again Coral?” George asks softly.“Have sex.” I tremble, my hands clenching into fists.“Why ever not?” George asks, astonished.I squeeze my eyes shut.I’ve almost told George so many times, then chickened out.“Because of Justin?” He prompts.I shake my head.“Then what Coral?” He questions.I open my eyes and stare out of the window, trying to block out the memory, the feelings, but it’s no good - My stomach rolls, and I know I’m going to be sick – Shit!I slap my hand to my mouth, dash up out of my seat and run flat out for the bathroom, flinging the door open I run to the toilet and vomit; over and over again, until all I’m left with is dry retching.When it finally ends I flush the toilet and head over to the sink.As I’m washing my mouth out with water, I hear George softly tap the door.“Coral?”“I’m ok.” I answer and take several gulps off water.“Can I come in?” George asks softly.“I’m coming.” I answer and head out the door.I turn to the right, to follow George back to his office and lose my balance; my head feels so woozy.George quickly catches me, then puts his arm around my waist and leads me back into his office, sitting me down he hands me a glass of water.“Thanks.” I croak my throat feeling burned.Stupid Coral! I’m never drinking again when I have George the next day.Hangover, no food, hot weather, finding Gladys with a man, and Tristan making me feel all funny is not a good combination.George sighs heavily and sits down opposite me.“Coral, why do I get the feeling I don’t know everything? That you’re holding something back?”I frown deeply, staring at the glass in my hand.“I made a mistake.” I tell him.And it was a mistake, a huge mistake!“We all do.” George offers.“A stupid one, one that cost me.” I add.“And the mistake is?” George asks.I shake my head again.I don't want to talk about it.“Coral, I can’t help you if you don’t’ – “I can't ok!” I shout.George is silent, he knows how to deal with my little outbursts.“I’ve got to go!” I tell him, quickly scrambling up to my feet.“Coral,” he admonishes.“You know you shouldn’t’ – “I know.” I stop and stare back at him.Shouldn’t leave a session on a downer, it should always be an upper.“George.” I whisper.“Yes.” He answers softly.“One day.” I tell him.George nods silently.I know he knows what I mean, that I’ll tell him when I’m ready.“See you next Tuesday then?” He asks.“Actually, with everything going on I was going to ask.I feel bad though.” I say, my hands twisting together anxiously.George smiles broadly at me.“You want another session?” he says.I nod in agreement.“You don’t have to George, you’re retired for goodness sake, you shouldn’t have to.” I sigh heavily.Why oh why do I always feel guilty - about everything?“It’s absolutely fine Coral.”“Really?” I squeak [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]