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.Chapter EightIt was like my car just headed to Grant’s place, the way it had done after countless weddings, a mind of its own.I wanted to chalk it up to being tired and not weak-willed, but as I walked up the steps, I didn’t really give a damn what I called it.I used my key to get in and kicked off my heels.Grant looked up from his spot on the couch.He stood and started over to me, but Cupid was faster.I leaned down and hugged my dog, then straightened.Grant had shaved and gotten a haircut since I’d seen him last.For a moment, we simply stared at each other, then he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight.I sank into his warmth, his embrace.When his lips covered mine, I stiffened.But then his fingers were traveling over my body and I was lost in his familiar touch and taste.When he pulled me tighter against him, though, my sense of self-preservation kicked in.“Wait.” It came out shaky, more air than sound, but Grant froze in place.My stomach rolled and my heart clenched and everything was wrong all over again.I pulled away, needing the distance yet despising it.The words “This was a mistake” were on the tip of my tongue, but it didn’t quite feel like a mistake.Slippery.Dangerous.Those were better words.I was gambling with my heart, and after what the guy standing across from me had already put it through, it seemed like one of those times where both of us lost and the house won.Whoever the bastard who owned the house was.“How was the wedding?” Grant asked.“Only one lady got bird crap in her hair, but she was just a guest, and I don’t think she realized it.”The dimple in his cheek stood out when he grinned.Why’d he have to be so sexy? “It wasn’t too hard to be there after…?”“It was hard.”“I’m so sorry, Dakota.If I could do it again—”“Don’t,” I said, holding up a hand.I believed he was sorry.I just didn’t know if it was enough.I did know I didn’t want to have this same conversation every single time I saw him from now until…whenever I figured out my life.“I’m guessing you saw the social column in the paper?”He let out a heavy sigh and nodded.“You could’ve warned me it was coming.”“I didn’t know Phoebe was going to print anything.I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, especially with her.Why? What did she tell you?”“She didn’t tell me anything.Jillian called and told me it was in the paper, and I got to read it myself.Why’d you say anything to her in the first place? You know how she is.”He shrugged.“She kept pushing, so I just told her that I loved you and always would.”I fought the urge to turn and bang my head on the wall.Wasn’t this why I’d come? To see if I could even feel love anymore? Now anger was mixing in, not so much at him, but at the situation.“Have you met your son yet?”“No.Amy wanted to get him used to the idea of me first, and we’re working on an arrangement.There are child support payments to set up, and I feel a little overwhelmed with it all, to tell the truth.I’m supposed to meet him this week, though.” He looked at me with wide eyes, genuine nervousness in his features, and I knew if I continued to stand and stare at him there would be more kissing and then less clothing, and then steps I knew I wasn’t ready for.“I’m taking Cupid with me tonight,” I blurted out, more so I wouldn’t chicken out than anything.“I’ve got a friend who owns a house, and he’ll keep him while—”“He?” The muscles in his neck stood out.I should’ve known better than to mention another guy.Grant had always been a touch on the jealous side.I’d even learned to edit stories about groomsmen because they often got him all riled up.“Who is this friend?”“You’ve never met him.He’s a guy I used to know when I was younger.Look, that doesn’t matter right n—”“It matters to me.” Grant grabbed my hand.“I don’t like the thought of you doing anything with another guy.Just keep Cupid here.I’ll take good care of him until you decide to move back in.”He said it like it was so final, like it was an outcome he was sure of and I didn’t really have a say.“We’ll just go back to how things were before all the wedding crap got in the way,” he added.Wedding crap? Did he even know me? My car made a mistake coming here—fine, maybe I had something to do with it, too.But I had to be stronger from now on.I would be.Time to amp up my goals and get back to my independent self.Step one: Take Cupid to his new home.Step two: Find an apartment that fit my budget.Step three: Figure out what the hell to do about my ex-fiancé, who’d switched to trying puppy-dog eyes on me to get his way.Actually, that was more like step four or five.I’d sort it out later when I was at Brendan’s, where I could relax, get Cupid acclimated, and actually think clearly.I pulled my hand free.“Everything’s changed, Grant.I can’t just go back to the way things were.” Confusion and irritation battled it out for control on his features.I didn’t want this to turn into a fight, so I tried to explain.“It’s like you offered me chocolate cake and I took a bite and it was amazing, but now you’re shoving broccoli in my face, telling me to settle for it.”“No, it’s more cake.We can still have what we did.If you’re set on marriage, we can”—he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down—“we can go down to city hall.Is that what you want? A marriage certificate to prove I love you?”Clearly that wasn’t what he wanted, and I wasn’t about to stand across from a guy and say “I do” when he didn’t think of it as the best day of his life, too.“Now you’re offering me chocolate-covered broccoli.I’ll take a bite and discover it’s a lie.”Grant scrubbed a hand over his face.“Can we abandon this metaphor?”“Fine.You want me with you now because you have a son and I’m good at dealing with problems and making things work, despite the challenges.I need you to want me because you can’t imagine not having me in your life.Because marrying me is something you can’t wait to do so I’m always yours and you’re always mine.”“But I can’t imagine not having you in my life.Hell, I’ve lived it the past few weeks and it sucks.”Now I wished I felt hollow and numb the way I did at the wedding, because it’d be better than the pain radiating through my chest [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Chapter EightIt was like my car just headed to Grant’s place, the way it had done after countless weddings, a mind of its own.I wanted to chalk it up to being tired and not weak-willed, but as I walked up the steps, I didn’t really give a damn what I called it.I used my key to get in and kicked off my heels.Grant looked up from his spot on the couch.He stood and started over to me, but Cupid was faster.I leaned down and hugged my dog, then straightened.Grant had shaved and gotten a haircut since I’d seen him last.For a moment, we simply stared at each other, then he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight.I sank into his warmth, his embrace.When his lips covered mine, I stiffened.But then his fingers were traveling over my body and I was lost in his familiar touch and taste.When he pulled me tighter against him, though, my sense of self-preservation kicked in.“Wait.” It came out shaky, more air than sound, but Grant froze in place.My stomach rolled and my heart clenched and everything was wrong all over again.I pulled away, needing the distance yet despising it.The words “This was a mistake” were on the tip of my tongue, but it didn’t quite feel like a mistake.Slippery.Dangerous.Those were better words.I was gambling with my heart, and after what the guy standing across from me had already put it through, it seemed like one of those times where both of us lost and the house won.Whoever the bastard who owned the house was.“How was the wedding?” Grant asked.“Only one lady got bird crap in her hair, but she was just a guest, and I don’t think she realized it.”The dimple in his cheek stood out when he grinned.Why’d he have to be so sexy? “It wasn’t too hard to be there after…?”“It was hard.”“I’m so sorry, Dakota.If I could do it again—”“Don’t,” I said, holding up a hand.I believed he was sorry.I just didn’t know if it was enough.I did know I didn’t want to have this same conversation every single time I saw him from now until…whenever I figured out my life.“I’m guessing you saw the social column in the paper?”He let out a heavy sigh and nodded.“You could’ve warned me it was coming.”“I didn’t know Phoebe was going to print anything.I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, especially with her.Why? What did she tell you?”“She didn’t tell me anything.Jillian called and told me it was in the paper, and I got to read it myself.Why’d you say anything to her in the first place? You know how she is.”He shrugged.“She kept pushing, so I just told her that I loved you and always would.”I fought the urge to turn and bang my head on the wall.Wasn’t this why I’d come? To see if I could even feel love anymore? Now anger was mixing in, not so much at him, but at the situation.“Have you met your son yet?”“No.Amy wanted to get him used to the idea of me first, and we’re working on an arrangement.There are child support payments to set up, and I feel a little overwhelmed with it all, to tell the truth.I’m supposed to meet him this week, though.” He looked at me with wide eyes, genuine nervousness in his features, and I knew if I continued to stand and stare at him there would be more kissing and then less clothing, and then steps I knew I wasn’t ready for.“I’m taking Cupid with me tonight,” I blurted out, more so I wouldn’t chicken out than anything.“I’ve got a friend who owns a house, and he’ll keep him while—”“He?” The muscles in his neck stood out.I should’ve known better than to mention another guy.Grant had always been a touch on the jealous side.I’d even learned to edit stories about groomsmen because they often got him all riled up.“Who is this friend?”“You’ve never met him.He’s a guy I used to know when I was younger.Look, that doesn’t matter right n—”“It matters to me.” Grant grabbed my hand.“I don’t like the thought of you doing anything with another guy.Just keep Cupid here.I’ll take good care of him until you decide to move back in.”He said it like it was so final, like it was an outcome he was sure of and I didn’t really have a say.“We’ll just go back to how things were before all the wedding crap got in the way,” he added.Wedding crap? Did he even know me? My car made a mistake coming here—fine, maybe I had something to do with it, too.But I had to be stronger from now on.I would be.Time to amp up my goals and get back to my independent self.Step one: Take Cupid to his new home.Step two: Find an apartment that fit my budget.Step three: Figure out what the hell to do about my ex-fiancé, who’d switched to trying puppy-dog eyes on me to get his way.Actually, that was more like step four or five.I’d sort it out later when I was at Brendan’s, where I could relax, get Cupid acclimated, and actually think clearly.I pulled my hand free.“Everything’s changed, Grant.I can’t just go back to the way things were.” Confusion and irritation battled it out for control on his features.I didn’t want this to turn into a fight, so I tried to explain.“It’s like you offered me chocolate cake and I took a bite and it was amazing, but now you’re shoving broccoli in my face, telling me to settle for it.”“No, it’s more cake.We can still have what we did.If you’re set on marriage, we can”—he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down—“we can go down to city hall.Is that what you want? A marriage certificate to prove I love you?”Clearly that wasn’t what he wanted, and I wasn’t about to stand across from a guy and say “I do” when he didn’t think of it as the best day of his life, too.“Now you’re offering me chocolate-covered broccoli.I’ll take a bite and discover it’s a lie.”Grant scrubbed a hand over his face.“Can we abandon this metaphor?”“Fine.You want me with you now because you have a son and I’m good at dealing with problems and making things work, despite the challenges.I need you to want me because you can’t imagine not having me in your life.Because marrying me is something you can’t wait to do so I’m always yours and you’re always mine.”“But I can’t imagine not having you in my life.Hell, I’ve lived it the past few weeks and it sucks.”Now I wished I felt hollow and numb the way I did at the wedding, because it’d be better than the pain radiating through my chest [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]