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.There, however, sheremained very clearly, given form at a time when I had only heard her, as anupright figure with a face drained of hope, and a voice saying clearly: 'I amnot ashamed I am only beaten.' And, too, as I had last seen her, looking upat the house.Nobody told me how she came to die, but somehow I knew that it had not been byaccident.There was a great deal that I did not understand in what I hadoverheard, and yet, in spite of that, it was quite the mostdisturbing occurrence I had known yet it alarmed me with a sense ofinsecurity far greater, for some unperceived reason, than Ihad suffered over Sophie.For several nights I dreamed of Aunt Harriet lyingin the river, still clasping the white bundle to her while the water swirledher hair round her pale face, and her wide-open eyes saw nothing.And I wasfrightened.This had happened simply because the baby was just a bit different insome way from other babies.It had something, or lacked something, sothat it did not exactly accord with the Definition.There was the ' littlething' that made it not quite right, not quite like other people.A mutant, my father had called it.A mutant!.I thought of some of thepoker-work texts.I recalled the address of a visiting preacher; thedetestation there had been in his voice when he thundered from the pulpit:'Accursed is theMutant!'Accursed is the mutant.The mutant, the enemy, not only of the human race,but of all the species God had decreed; the seed of the Devil within, tryingunflaggingly, eternally to come to fruition in order that it might destroy thedivine order and turn our land, the stronghold of God's will upon Earth, intoa lewd chaos like the Fringes; trying to make it a place without the law, likethe lands in the South that Uncle Axel had spoken of, where the plants andthe animals and the almost-human beings, too, brought forth travesties; wheretrue stock had given place to unnameable creatures, abomin-able growthsflourished, and the spirits of evil mocked the Lord with obscene fantasies.Just a small difference, the 'little thing,' was the first step.I prayed very earnestly those nights.' Oh, God,' I said, ' please, please, God, let me be like other people.IPage 38 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmldon't want to be different.Won't you make it so that when I wake up in themorning I'll be just like everyone else, please, God, please!'But in the morning, when I tested myself I'd soon pick up Rosalind or oneof the others, and know that the prayer hadn't altered anything.I hadto get up still just the same person who had gone to bed the night before, andIhad to go into the big kitchen and eat my breakfast facing the panel which hadsome-how stopped being just part of the furniture and seemed to stare back atme with the words: ACCURSED IS THE MUTANTIN THE SIGHT OF GOD AND MAN!And I went on being very frightened.After about the fifth night that praying hadn't done any good, Uncle Axelcaught me leaving the breakfast-table and said I'd better come along andhelp him mend a plough.After we'd worked on that for a couple ofhours he declared a rest, so we went out of the forge to sit in the sun, withour backs against a wall.He gave me a chunk of oatcake, and we munchedfor a minute or two.Then he said:'Well, now, Davie, let's have it,'' Have what?' I said, stupidly.'Whatever it is that's been making you look as if you were sickening forsomething the last day or two,' he told me.'What's your trouble? Has somebodyfound out?'' No,' I said.He looked greatly relieved.'Well, what it, then?'isSo I told him about Aunt Harriet and the baby.Before I had finished I wastalking through tears it was such a relief to be able to share it withsomeone.'It was her face as she drove away.' I explained.'I've never seen anyone looklike that before.I keep on seeing it in the water.'I looked up at him as I finished.His face was as grim as I'd ever seen it,with the corners of his mouth pulled down.' So that was it ' he said, nodding once or twice.'It was all because the baby was different,' I repeated.'And there wasSophie, too.I didn't understand properly before.I I'm frightened,Uncle Axel.What'll they do when they find out I'm different.?'He put his hand on my shoulder.' No one else is ever going to know about it,' he told me again.'No one butme and I'm safe [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.There, however, sheremained very clearly, given form at a time when I had only heard her, as anupright figure with a face drained of hope, and a voice saying clearly: 'I amnot ashamed I am only beaten.' And, too, as I had last seen her, looking upat the house.Nobody told me how she came to die, but somehow I knew that it had not been byaccident.There was a great deal that I did not understand in what I hadoverheard, and yet, in spite of that, it was quite the mostdisturbing occurrence I had known yet it alarmed me with a sense ofinsecurity far greater, for some unperceived reason, than Ihad suffered over Sophie.For several nights I dreamed of Aunt Harriet lyingin the river, still clasping the white bundle to her while the water swirledher hair round her pale face, and her wide-open eyes saw nothing.And I wasfrightened.This had happened simply because the baby was just a bit different insome way from other babies.It had something, or lacked something, sothat it did not exactly accord with the Definition.There was the ' littlething' that made it not quite right, not quite like other people.A mutant, my father had called it.A mutant!.I thought of some of thepoker-work texts.I recalled the address of a visiting preacher; thedetestation there had been in his voice when he thundered from the pulpit:'Accursed is theMutant!'Accursed is the mutant.The mutant, the enemy, not only of the human race,but of all the species God had decreed; the seed of the Devil within, tryingunflaggingly, eternally to come to fruition in order that it might destroy thedivine order and turn our land, the stronghold of God's will upon Earth, intoa lewd chaos like the Fringes; trying to make it a place without the law, likethe lands in the South that Uncle Axel had spoken of, where the plants andthe animals and the almost-human beings, too, brought forth travesties; wheretrue stock had given place to unnameable creatures, abomin-able growthsflourished, and the spirits of evil mocked the Lord with obscene fantasies.Just a small difference, the 'little thing,' was the first step.I prayed very earnestly those nights.' Oh, God,' I said, ' please, please, God, let me be like other people.IPage 38 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmldon't want to be different.Won't you make it so that when I wake up in themorning I'll be just like everyone else, please, God, please!'But in the morning, when I tested myself I'd soon pick up Rosalind or oneof the others, and know that the prayer hadn't altered anything.I hadto get up still just the same person who had gone to bed the night before, andIhad to go into the big kitchen and eat my breakfast facing the panel which hadsome-how stopped being just part of the furniture and seemed to stare back atme with the words: ACCURSED IS THE MUTANTIN THE SIGHT OF GOD AND MAN!And I went on being very frightened.After about the fifth night that praying hadn't done any good, Uncle Axelcaught me leaving the breakfast-table and said I'd better come along andhelp him mend a plough.After we'd worked on that for a couple ofhours he declared a rest, so we went out of the forge to sit in the sun, withour backs against a wall.He gave me a chunk of oatcake, and we munchedfor a minute or two.Then he said:'Well, now, Davie, let's have it,'' Have what?' I said, stupidly.'Whatever it is that's been making you look as if you were sickening forsomething the last day or two,' he told me.'What's your trouble? Has somebodyfound out?'' No,' I said.He looked greatly relieved.'Well, what it, then?'isSo I told him about Aunt Harriet and the baby.Before I had finished I wastalking through tears it was such a relief to be able to share it withsomeone.'It was her face as she drove away.' I explained.'I've never seen anyone looklike that before.I keep on seeing it in the water.'I looked up at him as I finished.His face was as grim as I'd ever seen it,with the corners of his mouth pulled down.' So that was it ' he said, nodding once or twice.'It was all because the baby was different,' I repeated.'And there wasSophie, too.I didn't understand properly before.I I'm frightened,Uncle Axel.What'll they do when they find out I'm different.?'He put his hand on my shoulder.' No one else is ever going to know about it,' he told me again.'No one butme and I'm safe [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]