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.Drake had offeredhim a tour, and Ian was glad for the chance to speak with Drake alone.Drake leashed Buddy up and they set out, taking a route leading outpast the first barn. I don t really get out here much, so I m not the best person to show you around, but I do know the basics. It s okay, Ian assured him. It s a nice day to be outside, but I really just wanted to talk to you about a few things without anyone elsearound. Drake licked his lips and nodded. Okay.Do you have any family? Ian didn t bother trying to figure what had brought the question on, he just answered. Yes, but we re not close.My mother married mystepfather not long after my dad was killed in a farming accident.She s told me, when Bart wasn t around, that my dad was the love of herlife.She saw him, and she just knew, yanno? Drake nodded then shook his head. I ve heard stories like that, but haven t ever actually met anyone who had it happen. Ian shrugged. It did for them, according to her.She was a complete mess afterwards.I think Bart took advantage of that.He had hertied to him less than a year after dad died, and as I got older, I became aware of how controlling he was.Emotionally and physically abusiveto her, and to me until I left home.She s like his puppet now.I can t reach her. And it hurt it felt like he d lost his mom as well as his dadbut Ian was resigned to it. Oh, that s& that s horrible, Drake said. I wish it was different for you and her both. Me too, but it isn t.I ve come to accept it.You can t save someone who doesn t want to be saved. Ian sighed. And then there s mystepbrother, Norman.He s seven years older than me, got a record for sexual assault and battery.He just got out of prison a few months ago.When I was a kid, he used to hit me and threaten to kill my mom if I told.One day I got tired of it, and I told anyway.She didn t believe me,even though Norman had a record by then.That s when I knew there was no hope of saving her. Drake had stopped walking and Ian did too, turning to look at him. Ian. That was all he said, but the look of affection in his eyes, theway his lips quivered and his eyes shimmered, had Ian coming to him and embracing him. You deserve so much better than that, Drakesaid, holding onto him. We both deserve more than we ve gotten, Ian informed him.He kissed Drake, slipping his tongue past Drake s lips and stealing a tasteof the man. Neither of us needs to settle for anyone who isn t good to us. Right. Drake sighed. Wish I d realised that sooner.I guess I ve never been the most confident person.My mother and grandma raisedme.When my mom was eighteen, she fell for a rich married man s line of bullshit.That s how she got me.He dumped her right after she toldhim she was pregnant and she refused to have an abortion, so here I am. Have you ever confronted him? Ian asked. Why bother? He wanted her to get rid of me.Knowing that, I have no desire to ever speak to him. But you know who he is? Drake nodded. Sure.Everyone knew, really.Eric Breyer The football player? Ian blinked, and he could see it then, the resemblance between Drake and the former NFL quarterback. Yeah.His dad was the mayor of our town.I didn t get his height or sports skills, obviously. Drake tugged on Buddy s leash. Hey, don tget tangled around that dang it. Ian chuckled.Buddy had wrapped his leash around a sapling several times and the pup began barking madly. I ll unwind if you ll holdhis collar. Deal. Drake handed him the leash and they freed the boisterous puppy.Ian didn t hand the leash back when they resumed walking,and Drake didn t ask for it. Anyway, after mom had me, she have you ever seen What s Eating Gilbert Grape? Ian searched his mind and finally remembered the movie. Yeah, it had Johnny Depp in it. Oh yes, that man is totally lickable, Drake said.Ian couldn t disagree. Definitely, although I don t really find him so hot as a pirate.What about the movie reminds you of your life? Drake averted his gaze. The obesity thing.Grandma couldn t leave the house.She spent the last years of her life in bed, being tendedby my mom.When I told them I was gay, they quit touching me, you know.Said they loved me, but they didn t touch me anymore, like Iwas dirty. Drake turned pain-filled eyes to Ian. I feel dirty, especially now, with Rigo exposing me to HIV.It s like the culmination of theirunspoken accusations.I m tainted, contagious No. Ian stopped Drake.He tucked the leash handle around his belt and hoped it held for a few minutes.Taking Drake s face in hishands, Ian leaned and pressed his brow to Drake s. No, you are none of those things.You re open and loving, kind and gorgeous, inside andout, Drake.You ve been hurt, and yet you smile and laugh and take care of those around you.I couldn t do that, I m not that strong.I pulledinto myself, kept everyone at a distance.Look at me, twenty-four and never had a relationship before.But you know what? Drake gave the barest shake of his head. No, he whispered.Ian smiled. There s nothing wrong with us for coping as we have.We learned to survive, and we are good people.You ve taught mehow to relax, do you know that? I felt so awkward before, trying to talk to people.It was easier to hold myself rigid, to wall myself off.But Isee you, and I want& I want to be a better man for you.Because of you, I want to feel, to laugh and talk and make friends [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Drake had offeredhim a tour, and Ian was glad for the chance to speak with Drake alone.Drake leashed Buddy up and they set out, taking a route leading outpast the first barn. I don t really get out here much, so I m not the best person to show you around, but I do know the basics. It s okay, Ian assured him. It s a nice day to be outside, but I really just wanted to talk to you about a few things without anyone elsearound. Drake licked his lips and nodded. Okay.Do you have any family? Ian didn t bother trying to figure what had brought the question on, he just answered. Yes, but we re not close.My mother married mystepfather not long after my dad was killed in a farming accident.She s told me, when Bart wasn t around, that my dad was the love of herlife.She saw him, and she just knew, yanno? Drake nodded then shook his head. I ve heard stories like that, but haven t ever actually met anyone who had it happen. Ian shrugged. It did for them, according to her.She was a complete mess afterwards.I think Bart took advantage of that.He had hertied to him less than a year after dad died, and as I got older, I became aware of how controlling he was.Emotionally and physically abusiveto her, and to me until I left home.She s like his puppet now.I can t reach her. And it hurt it felt like he d lost his mom as well as his dadbut Ian was resigned to it. Oh, that s& that s horrible, Drake said. I wish it was different for you and her both. Me too, but it isn t.I ve come to accept it.You can t save someone who doesn t want to be saved. Ian sighed. And then there s mystepbrother, Norman.He s seven years older than me, got a record for sexual assault and battery.He just got out of prison a few months ago.When I was a kid, he used to hit me and threaten to kill my mom if I told.One day I got tired of it, and I told anyway.She didn t believe me,even though Norman had a record by then.That s when I knew there was no hope of saving her. Drake had stopped walking and Ian did too, turning to look at him. Ian. That was all he said, but the look of affection in his eyes, theway his lips quivered and his eyes shimmered, had Ian coming to him and embracing him. You deserve so much better than that, Drakesaid, holding onto him. We both deserve more than we ve gotten, Ian informed him.He kissed Drake, slipping his tongue past Drake s lips and stealing a tasteof the man. Neither of us needs to settle for anyone who isn t good to us. Right. Drake sighed. Wish I d realised that sooner.I guess I ve never been the most confident person.My mother and grandma raisedme.When my mom was eighteen, she fell for a rich married man s line of bullshit.That s how she got me.He dumped her right after she toldhim she was pregnant and she refused to have an abortion, so here I am. Have you ever confronted him? Ian asked. Why bother? He wanted her to get rid of me.Knowing that, I have no desire to ever speak to him. But you know who he is? Drake nodded. Sure.Everyone knew, really.Eric Breyer The football player? Ian blinked, and he could see it then, the resemblance between Drake and the former NFL quarterback. Yeah.His dad was the mayor of our town.I didn t get his height or sports skills, obviously. Drake tugged on Buddy s leash. Hey, don tget tangled around that dang it. Ian chuckled.Buddy had wrapped his leash around a sapling several times and the pup began barking madly. I ll unwind if you ll holdhis collar. Deal. Drake handed him the leash and they freed the boisterous puppy.Ian didn t hand the leash back when they resumed walking,and Drake didn t ask for it. Anyway, after mom had me, she have you ever seen What s Eating Gilbert Grape? Ian searched his mind and finally remembered the movie. Yeah, it had Johnny Depp in it. Oh yes, that man is totally lickable, Drake said.Ian couldn t disagree. Definitely, although I don t really find him so hot as a pirate.What about the movie reminds you of your life? Drake averted his gaze. The obesity thing.Grandma couldn t leave the house.She spent the last years of her life in bed, being tendedby my mom.When I told them I was gay, they quit touching me, you know.Said they loved me, but they didn t touch me anymore, like Iwas dirty. Drake turned pain-filled eyes to Ian. I feel dirty, especially now, with Rigo exposing me to HIV.It s like the culmination of theirunspoken accusations.I m tainted, contagious No. Ian stopped Drake.He tucked the leash handle around his belt and hoped it held for a few minutes.Taking Drake s face in hishands, Ian leaned and pressed his brow to Drake s. No, you are none of those things.You re open and loving, kind and gorgeous, inside andout, Drake.You ve been hurt, and yet you smile and laugh and take care of those around you.I couldn t do that, I m not that strong.I pulledinto myself, kept everyone at a distance.Look at me, twenty-four and never had a relationship before.But you know what? Drake gave the barest shake of his head. No, he whispered.Ian smiled. There s nothing wrong with us for coping as we have.We learned to survive, and we are good people.You ve taught mehow to relax, do you know that? I felt so awkward before, trying to talk to people.It was easier to hold myself rigid, to wall myself off.But Isee you, and I want& I want to be a better man for you.Because of you, I want to feel, to laugh and talk and make friends [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]