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.Although I eventually completed twoyears of college, I opted to return to modified duties atmy auto assembly job for the health benefits and earn-ings potential.I was still married, although unhappily,and my return to work provided me with some sense ofsecurity in that it took me out of the tense environmentthat existed in my home, and into a place where mind-numbing repetitive labor offered a sense of escape; butnot the kind that I needed.My musical activities greatly reduced through workDr.K.Sohai l and Bette Davi s RN MN 155 and my injury, I began writing songs and poems that inretrospect accurately chronicle the discontentednessthat I felt in my life.I took very little joy in anything, andmy words were inflected with dark references andimagery that characterize how I was feeling.Such isoften the nature of prose and poetry, and I find this truenow more than ever: the words that we record in refer-ence to our lives take on more depth and meaning asthe years pass.I can view my words these days, andwith the benefit of hindsight, gain greater comprehen-sion into the states of my heart, soul, and mind duringthose times.The irony of it is that as I was becomingmore frustrated with life and my lack of opportunity toperform and create, I was archiving it all in songs andpoems, thereby employing some of the things that I soloved to do, just not in the sense and to the degree thatI wanted.To this day, I question whether or not to sharethese writings with others, as they are quite personal,and metaphorically, apply to my life as I saw it then.Buta writer rarely discards anything, and I m aware that apast-written phrase may aptly apply to a more currentwriting, timing being everything, as they say.Eventually, as my depression worsened and mymarriage was failing, I suffered a relapse of my work-related injury that aggravated existing frustrations.Andfor so long, distracted by the demands of the choicesthat I d made in my life, I had neglected the very thingthat seemed to provide me with the greatest sense ofsatisfaction and accomplishment; my music and writ-ing.The gifts that had been bestowed upon me, theability to create and share my talents, never fully real-ized, had been relegated even further to the backburnerT h e Ar t o f Wo r k i n g i n Y o u r Gr e e n Z o n e 156 of my life.My unhappiness was profound, seeminglyendless, and although I was doing some writing, it didnot feel creative to me.My wife and I began counselingwith you in an attempt to save our marriage and, subse-quently, my individual sessions with you enabled me togain valuable insights into myself.Contemplating the feelings and desires that domi-nated my thoughts and dreams since I was a teenager,I realized that the words and music that flowed out ofme with such consistency were meant to be attended towith the same conviction that I once applied to otherareas of my life: sports, relationships, parenting, studies,employment.For too many years I had taken my talentfor granted; a self-taught pianist and poet with norelated education in the arts was not to be taken seri-ously! The lack of self-esteem that I associated with mytalent (and it did exist, for the acceptance of talent is notalways a given), and my doubts about my abilities werepresent for years.My concerns about the content andquality of my creative efforts withheld me for years fromthe more satisfying endeavor of sharing my art andgaining feedback about it, the exception being mysporadic participation with bands.After my separation, I began to become moreactively involved in music, attending jams and hoping tobecome more recognized as a capable musician.Thisresulted in an improvement in my playing and accom-paniment skills, and raised the awareness of my talentsomewhat within the musical communities that Ifrequented.But at the same time, I sensed that themusicians that I was most actively involved with, theones who professed to have high ideals and commit-Dr.K.Sohai l and Bette Davi s RN MN 157 ments to their craft were the very ones who seemedcontent with the status quo, while I was becoming lesssatisfied with my involvement with them, and feltunder-appreciated [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Although I eventually completed twoyears of college, I opted to return to modified duties atmy auto assembly job for the health benefits and earn-ings potential.I was still married, although unhappily,and my return to work provided me with some sense ofsecurity in that it took me out of the tense environmentthat existed in my home, and into a place where mind-numbing repetitive labor offered a sense of escape; butnot the kind that I needed.My musical activities greatly reduced through workDr.K.Sohai l and Bette Davi s RN MN 155 and my injury, I began writing songs and poems that inretrospect accurately chronicle the discontentednessthat I felt in my life.I took very little joy in anything, andmy words were inflected with dark references andimagery that characterize how I was feeling.Such isoften the nature of prose and poetry, and I find this truenow more than ever: the words that we record in refer-ence to our lives take on more depth and meaning asthe years pass.I can view my words these days, andwith the benefit of hindsight, gain greater comprehen-sion into the states of my heart, soul, and mind duringthose times.The irony of it is that as I was becomingmore frustrated with life and my lack of opportunity toperform and create, I was archiving it all in songs andpoems, thereby employing some of the things that I soloved to do, just not in the sense and to the degree thatI wanted.To this day, I question whether or not to sharethese writings with others, as they are quite personal,and metaphorically, apply to my life as I saw it then.Buta writer rarely discards anything, and I m aware that apast-written phrase may aptly apply to a more currentwriting, timing being everything, as they say.Eventually, as my depression worsened and mymarriage was failing, I suffered a relapse of my work-related injury that aggravated existing frustrations.Andfor so long, distracted by the demands of the choicesthat I d made in my life, I had neglected the very thingthat seemed to provide me with the greatest sense ofsatisfaction and accomplishment; my music and writ-ing.The gifts that had been bestowed upon me, theability to create and share my talents, never fully real-ized, had been relegated even further to the backburnerT h e Ar t o f Wo r k i n g i n Y o u r Gr e e n Z o n e 156 of my life.My unhappiness was profound, seeminglyendless, and although I was doing some writing, it didnot feel creative to me.My wife and I began counselingwith you in an attempt to save our marriage and, subse-quently, my individual sessions with you enabled me togain valuable insights into myself.Contemplating the feelings and desires that domi-nated my thoughts and dreams since I was a teenager,I realized that the words and music that flowed out ofme with such consistency were meant to be attended towith the same conviction that I once applied to otherareas of my life: sports, relationships, parenting, studies,employment.For too many years I had taken my talentfor granted; a self-taught pianist and poet with norelated education in the arts was not to be taken seri-ously! The lack of self-esteem that I associated with mytalent (and it did exist, for the acceptance of talent is notalways a given), and my doubts about my abilities werepresent for years.My concerns about the content andquality of my creative efforts withheld me for years fromthe more satisfying endeavor of sharing my art andgaining feedback about it, the exception being mysporadic participation with bands.After my separation, I began to become moreactively involved in music, attending jams and hoping tobecome more recognized as a capable musician.Thisresulted in an improvement in my playing and accom-paniment skills, and raised the awareness of my talentsomewhat within the musical communities that Ifrequented.But at the same time, I sensed that themusicians that I was most actively involved with, theones who professed to have high ideals and commit-Dr.K.Sohai l and Bette Davi s RN MN 157 ments to their craft were the very ones who seemedcontent with the status quo, while I was becoming lesssatisfied with my involvement with them, and feltunder-appreciated [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]