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. I m going back tomorrow. Oh, she said, looking as if she might cry, then slowly forcing a smile. Well, at least we have today.It s something to keep me going a little whilelonger. The alarm failed to go o Monday morning.Robert had lain awake much of thenight, trying to nd a position where guilt would not twist his muscles intoknots.When he did wake up it was to more rain and Ruth s hand gently on hismouth, hushing him. I turned o your alarm when I got up.I already called the o ce.You don t need to go in.You re going to stayright here and have a second honeymoon.Just like Jamaica. The bed and their bodies smelled of sex.The word Jamaica, whispered in hisear and followed by the caress of Ruth s tongue, drove the guilt away again.What was one more day? What di erence could it make now?Robert couldn t bring himself simply to walk out of Ruth s house and go toMercy s on Monday afternoon, or Monday night, not with the stink of his shameon him.Though a part of him wondered if she would even notice, a thought thatprompted another spasm of guilt.He woke frequently through the night and nally got out of bed before six onTuesday morning.He would go straight to Mercy s house and tell her what hadhappened.There was no other way.Maybe, just maybe, it would break the mazeof loneliness they d built around each other.Those were the only thoughts he allowed himself as he drove across town.Do this thing you have to do, get it over with, see what happens next.He hesitated on Mercy s front porch, feeling as if he should knock.It was thelongest they d been apart since their rst weekend together.The need to talk to her, to x things, to do whatever he had to do, wasstrong in him.He unlocked the door and went in.It was funny, in a way.One drop of Negro blood, so they said, was enough tomake you black.Yet he had never seen skin so white.There was more than a single drop of blood, though.There was an entirebathtub full of blood, diluted to pink by the bathwater.She was naked in the tub.At some point she had clearly turned onto her sideto get more comfortable.It was like going to sleep, he d heard somewhere.Her head was on her right shoulder, her eyes closed, her back turned to himwhere he sat on the closed lid of the toilet.Black & White205He wished she hadn t turned her back to him.He didn t think it had been more than a few hours.There was no smell of decayfrom her skin.He d only touched her the once, to look for a pulse, to makesure.Her body was cold, and the house was cold.He was sure the mix of bloodand water in the tub was cold, though he hadn t put his hand in it.Monday night, he imagined.The light was on in the bathroom, and the lamp nextto the bed.That was where he d looked rst.He tried to remem-ber what he d felt like, back then.When he d rst walked in.Before he knew.Before everything changed forever.He had her note in his hands.She d left it next to the bed.Like calling thepolice, like the simple act of standing up, reading the note seemed more thanPage 158 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmlhe could do.It felt like giving consent.In the end he had to do it, because Malcolm was nowhere in the house, and asmuch as he feared the answer, still he had to have it.In the note she blamed Robert for nothing, herself for everything.Her biggestfear was that Robert would not forgive her.She accused herself of self-ishness in resenting Malcolm, said no one could hate her more than she hatedherself. Things used to be one way and they changed, she wrote, and I don tknow why I don t believe they could change back but I don t. Then she wrote, I will always love you. She signed her name and then wrote aPS, saying that Malcolm was with Mrs.Invers two houses down.Robert read the note over and over, until there was no meaning left in thewords, like chewing a bite of apple until the juice was gone and there wasnothing left but dry, tasteless pulp.Then he looked at his watch.It was7:30.He d been sitting there for an hour.He got up and called the police.He went back and sat on the lid of the toilet again.Then he got up and calledRuth. She s dead, was all he said.He didn t know if Ruth would recognize hisvoice.He didn t think he would have. I ll be right there, she told him.Ruth got there before the police did.The address was Hayti, after all.No onereally cared if a black woman killed herself.Ruth found him still sitting on the toilet seat.She took him by the arm andled him out to the porch.She sat him down on the steps and then perched nextto him, not saying anything, even after she took the note from his hands andread it.In a minute the police arrived.First there were two uniformed o cers.One went in for a look while thelewis shiner206other stayed to keep an eye on Robert. She s in the bathroom, Robert saidhelpfully.The second o cer took Robert s name and address, and by the time he hadthat, the rst o cer came out and nodded.The rst o cer went to thesquad car and talked into his radio.The second o cer asked Robert what hisrelationship was to the deceased. They were involved, Ruth answered for him.She handed the o cer the note. They were having an a air. She took hold of Robert s arm again.To the restof the world it might have looked like she was getting support from him. And you are? I m his wife.Ruth Cooper.Same address as Robert.He came over to breakthings o with her and found her like that. Thank you, ma am.The detectives will be here in a minute and they ll get allthat information from Mr.Cooper himself. The ambulance came next.Two white men carried a stretcher into the house andemerged a few minutes later with something on top of it, covered in sheets,darkened in places with wetness.Robert watched the stretcher roll down thesidewalk, the only sidewalk on the block, watched the men load it into theback of the ambulance, watched them exchange a few friendly words with theuniformed o cers, watched the ambulance drive away.When the detectives took him aside to question him, he found himself tellingthe same story Ruth had.As he stood on the porch talking to them, he saw Ruthwalk down the street, go up to a house, knock on the door, and speak with awoman in the shadows of the porch.Then she went to the next house and wentinside.Half an hour went by.Robert told the truth about everything exceptwhen he said that he was breaking up with Mercy.By the time he d said it afew times, it, too, started to sound like the truth.Ruth came back.She was holding Malcolm.Malcolm was crying andPage 159 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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. I m going back tomorrow. Oh, she said, looking as if she might cry, then slowly forcing a smile. Well, at least we have today.It s something to keep me going a little whilelonger. The alarm failed to go o Monday morning.Robert had lain awake much of thenight, trying to nd a position where guilt would not twist his muscles intoknots.When he did wake up it was to more rain and Ruth s hand gently on hismouth, hushing him. I turned o your alarm when I got up.I already called the o ce.You don t need to go in.You re going to stayright here and have a second honeymoon.Just like Jamaica. The bed and their bodies smelled of sex.The word Jamaica, whispered in hisear and followed by the caress of Ruth s tongue, drove the guilt away again.What was one more day? What di erence could it make now?Robert couldn t bring himself simply to walk out of Ruth s house and go toMercy s on Monday afternoon, or Monday night, not with the stink of his shameon him.Though a part of him wondered if she would even notice, a thought thatprompted another spasm of guilt.He woke frequently through the night and nally got out of bed before six onTuesday morning.He would go straight to Mercy s house and tell her what hadhappened.There was no other way.Maybe, just maybe, it would break the mazeof loneliness they d built around each other.Those were the only thoughts he allowed himself as he drove across town.Do this thing you have to do, get it over with, see what happens next.He hesitated on Mercy s front porch, feeling as if he should knock.It was thelongest they d been apart since their rst weekend together.The need to talk to her, to x things, to do whatever he had to do, wasstrong in him.He unlocked the door and went in.It was funny, in a way.One drop of Negro blood, so they said, was enough tomake you black.Yet he had never seen skin so white.There was more than a single drop of blood, though.There was an entirebathtub full of blood, diluted to pink by the bathwater.She was naked in the tub.At some point she had clearly turned onto her sideto get more comfortable.It was like going to sleep, he d heard somewhere.Her head was on her right shoulder, her eyes closed, her back turned to himwhere he sat on the closed lid of the toilet.Black & White205He wished she hadn t turned her back to him.He didn t think it had been more than a few hours.There was no smell of decayfrom her skin.He d only touched her the once, to look for a pulse, to makesure.Her body was cold, and the house was cold.He was sure the mix of bloodand water in the tub was cold, though he hadn t put his hand in it.Monday night, he imagined.The light was on in the bathroom, and the lamp nextto the bed.That was where he d looked rst.He tried to remem-ber what he d felt like, back then.When he d rst walked in.Before he knew.Before everything changed forever.He had her note in his hands.She d left it next to the bed.Like calling thepolice, like the simple act of standing up, reading the note seemed more thanPage 158 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmlhe could do.It felt like giving consent.In the end he had to do it, because Malcolm was nowhere in the house, and asmuch as he feared the answer, still he had to have it.In the note she blamed Robert for nothing, herself for everything.Her biggestfear was that Robert would not forgive her.She accused herself of self-ishness in resenting Malcolm, said no one could hate her more than she hatedherself. Things used to be one way and they changed, she wrote, and I don tknow why I don t believe they could change back but I don t. Then she wrote, I will always love you. She signed her name and then wrote aPS, saying that Malcolm was with Mrs.Invers two houses down.Robert read the note over and over, until there was no meaning left in thewords, like chewing a bite of apple until the juice was gone and there wasnothing left but dry, tasteless pulp.Then he looked at his watch.It was7:30.He d been sitting there for an hour.He got up and called the police.He went back and sat on the lid of the toilet again.Then he got up and calledRuth. She s dead, was all he said.He didn t know if Ruth would recognize hisvoice.He didn t think he would have. I ll be right there, she told him.Ruth got there before the police did.The address was Hayti, after all.No onereally cared if a black woman killed herself.Ruth found him still sitting on the toilet seat.She took him by the arm andled him out to the porch.She sat him down on the steps and then perched nextto him, not saying anything, even after she took the note from his hands andread it.In a minute the police arrived.First there were two uniformed o cers.One went in for a look while thelewis shiner206other stayed to keep an eye on Robert. She s in the bathroom, Robert saidhelpfully.The second o cer took Robert s name and address, and by the time he hadthat, the rst o cer came out and nodded.The rst o cer went to thesquad car and talked into his radio.The second o cer asked Robert what hisrelationship was to the deceased. They were involved, Ruth answered for him.She handed the o cer the note. They were having an a air. She took hold of Robert s arm again.To the restof the world it might have looked like she was getting support from him. And you are? I m his wife.Ruth Cooper.Same address as Robert.He came over to breakthings o with her and found her like that. Thank you, ma am.The detectives will be here in a minute and they ll get allthat information from Mr.Cooper himself. The ambulance came next.Two white men carried a stretcher into the house andemerged a few minutes later with something on top of it, covered in sheets,darkened in places with wetness.Robert watched the stretcher roll down thesidewalk, the only sidewalk on the block, watched the men load it into theback of the ambulance, watched them exchange a few friendly words with theuniformed o cers, watched the ambulance drive away.When the detectives took him aside to question him, he found himself tellingthe same story Ruth had.As he stood on the porch talking to them, he saw Ruthwalk down the street, go up to a house, knock on the door, and speak with awoman in the shadows of the porch.Then she went to the next house and wentinside.Half an hour went by.Robert told the truth about everything exceptwhen he said that he was breaking up with Mercy.By the time he d said it afew times, it, too, started to sound like the truth.Ruth came back.She was holding Malcolm.Malcolm was crying andPage 159 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]