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.Then I was attacked.it must have made things muchworse.He could have gone crazy.He could have gone completely crazy.That's what the detectivesergeant thinks.It's possible.I don't know.We probably never will.If he did do it, they'll never be ableto charge anyone.Nobody will ever know for sure.'I knew for sure, but I had to pretend doubt.I simply had to, and that was all there was to it.There wasnothing else I could do for her, except to play the part she expected.All she wanted for the time beingwas a straw to grasp, some phantom presence in her life which would allow her to think that she wasn'talone.When she eventually went, she apologised profusely for having interrupted me, for having made such adisplay of herself and for having reawakened my own troubles.She seemed to me to be apologising atleast by implication for the state of the world at large, including the civil war in Azerbaijan and theeventual heat-death of the universe.I told her that it didn't matter, that none of it mattered, and that if evershe needed anything, she would always know where to find me.It was all pretence, but it was true in a sense.When I shut the door behind her, something made me reach out and turn out the light.I told myself as Idid it that something must have afflicted my eyes, making me anxious for protective darkness but thatwas a pretence, too.Inevitably, when I turned to face the window again, Maldureve was there.I breathed out unsteadily, slightly disturbed even though I wasn't unduly alarmed.I had expected to seehim again, at least once more, now that I had discovered and reached his resting place.I wondered,briefly, whether he had come to make threats or entreaties.'I've missed you, Anne, he whispered, after a long hesitation. You can't imagine how I've missed you.''The world, I said, humourlessly, is full of blood.There's nothing very special about mine.'I couldn't deny that I was a little bit afraid of him.He had substance and he had strength gifts that I hadgiven him and that now might be turned against me.It would have been easier to confront him on his ownground, where he was vulnerable, especially if he were quiescent in his coffin, as helpless as a baby.'You can't hurt me, I said to him, to bolster my own confidence. The owls will protect me.You told methat you couldn't and wouldn't protect me from them, but they're stronger.They can and will protect mefrom you.''I don't want to hurt you, he said, reaching out with both arms to invite me into his embrace. I love you,and I always will.We've shared our blood and our being, you and I.How could you ever have thoughtthat I would want to hurt you? I wanted you to be one with me and my kind.I wanted you to join me inthe borderlands, to share the life of the shadows.We could have hunted and feasted together,.we stillcan, if only you'll dare to listen to your heart.The owls have lied to you, they've twisted your mind andturned you against yourself.You don't understand what they did to you.Do you think it was coincidence Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmlthat the man with the knife attacked you?They sent him.They sent him to trap you, to deliver you intotheir care.It was no accident of happenstance, it was a cruel act of malice.Why do you think I couldn'thelp you? Did you think I was simply frightened? How could I be frightened of some mere bag of bloodwielding a knife? If that had been what he was, he would have been nothing to me I could have tornhim limb from limb and scattered his flesh to the winds.But he was bait in a trap, he was the instrument ofthe owls.I couldn't even warn you.But you don't have to be their creature.You have a choice.You canstill listen to your heart.We can be together again, you and I.There's no true satisfaction for you,anywhere in the world, unless you have the hunger to be satisfied.I think you know that, in your heart.You knew it last night, didn't you, when you came to destroy me, and paused at the threshold? I knewthen that the owls hadn't made you entirely their own.I didn't build that curtain of cobwebs you did!You chose to awaken your own doubts, to play upon your own fears, because youknew , when you haddescended to the real core of your being, that you and I are still the same: both of us creatures of thenight; both of us hunters; both of us possessed of a hunger which nothing can satisfy but blood.I knewthen that there was still hope.Here I am, Anne.Don't turn me away.Don't reject me.I love you.Youcan't imagine how much I love you.The owls don't love you they're incapable of love as you and Iknow it.They have sex, after their own fashion, but they don'tlove , not with their hearts, not with everyfibre of their being, the way you and I do.Have you forgotten what it was like? I don't believe that youhave, or that you ever can.I was your first lover, and your only true lover.Let me love you, Anne.Comeinto the shadows,for ever.'I was tempted.It was unexpected, and all the more powerful because of that.I could feel the force ofhis persuasion.I didn't know whether what he said was true or false what do any of us know of thosereasons which the heart is supposed to have but of which logic knows nothing? but there wassomething in his voice which made me want to believe.His presence brought memories flooding backinto my mind, filling my mind with a kind of turbulence I hadn't felt since the moment of my imprisonmentin the owls cage of light.And yet.how could I trust him?'The owls are dangerous, Anne, he told me. They're cruel; they have no feelings.They're utterlycynical.They pretend that they're teaching you wisdom, but they're only making you into their instrument.They're all mind and no heart, all thought and no emotion.They're beautiful, in their way, but they'rerobotic, inhuman, anti-life.If you do what they want you to do, you'll become more and more like them.You'll become a killer, Anne: a bright and vicious thing, all caustic fire and corrosive brilliance.You'llbecome a destroyer, a thing without a heart.You've been carried away by their kind of vivid ecstasy, butit's all just show.Our kind of love is better by far: softer, more gentle, deeper, more meaningful.Youknow that, really, if you'll only listen to your heart.If you'll only resist the glamour of the owls, you'll seewhat you really need, what you really desire, what you really are.'I was tempted.It was all so very seductive, so very reassuring.But he no longer had the power tocaptivate me.I was no longer a ready-made victim.The iron had entered into my soul.'You're a kind of disease, Maldureve, I heard myself say,in Gil's voice ! The vocal cords were mine,and I could feel the words forming in my throat, but the voice was definitely Gil's. You're an openwound in the soul, which has to be cauterised and sterilised.''You don't believe that, Anne, he said, taking a step towards me.He was very substantial, very solid,for all that he was really made of shadows.I knew that if he were to seize me, catching me by the hair,and then yank my head back to expose my throat, he could drain all the blood from my body as easily asGil had drained the blood from Janine's.I felt that I was in mortal danger, and that the only real recourseI had was to yield, to say: Yes, it's okay.Do it [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Then I was attacked.it must have made things muchworse.He could have gone crazy.He could have gone completely crazy.That's what the detectivesergeant thinks.It's possible.I don't know.We probably never will.If he did do it, they'll never be ableto charge anyone.Nobody will ever know for sure.'I knew for sure, but I had to pretend doubt.I simply had to, and that was all there was to it.There wasnothing else I could do for her, except to play the part she expected.All she wanted for the time beingwas a straw to grasp, some phantom presence in her life which would allow her to think that she wasn'talone.When she eventually went, she apologised profusely for having interrupted me, for having made such adisplay of herself and for having reawakened my own troubles.She seemed to me to be apologising atleast by implication for the state of the world at large, including the civil war in Azerbaijan and theeventual heat-death of the universe.I told her that it didn't matter, that none of it mattered, and that if evershe needed anything, she would always know where to find me.It was all pretence, but it was true in a sense.When I shut the door behind her, something made me reach out and turn out the light.I told myself as Idid it that something must have afflicted my eyes, making me anxious for protective darkness but thatwas a pretence, too.Inevitably, when I turned to face the window again, Maldureve was there.I breathed out unsteadily, slightly disturbed even though I wasn't unduly alarmed.I had expected to seehim again, at least once more, now that I had discovered and reached his resting place.I wondered,briefly, whether he had come to make threats or entreaties.'I've missed you, Anne, he whispered, after a long hesitation. You can't imagine how I've missed you.''The world, I said, humourlessly, is full of blood.There's nothing very special about mine.'I couldn't deny that I was a little bit afraid of him.He had substance and he had strength gifts that I hadgiven him and that now might be turned against me.It would have been easier to confront him on his ownground, where he was vulnerable, especially if he were quiescent in his coffin, as helpless as a baby.'You can't hurt me, I said to him, to bolster my own confidence. The owls will protect me.You told methat you couldn't and wouldn't protect me from them, but they're stronger.They can and will protect mefrom you.''I don't want to hurt you, he said, reaching out with both arms to invite me into his embrace. I love you,and I always will.We've shared our blood and our being, you and I.How could you ever have thoughtthat I would want to hurt you? I wanted you to be one with me and my kind.I wanted you to join me inthe borderlands, to share the life of the shadows.We could have hunted and feasted together,.we stillcan, if only you'll dare to listen to your heart.The owls have lied to you, they've twisted your mind andturned you against yourself.You don't understand what they did to you.Do you think it was coincidence Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmlthat the man with the knife attacked you?They sent him.They sent him to trap you, to deliver you intotheir care.It was no accident of happenstance, it was a cruel act of malice.Why do you think I couldn'thelp you? Did you think I was simply frightened? How could I be frightened of some mere bag of bloodwielding a knife? If that had been what he was, he would have been nothing to me I could have tornhim limb from limb and scattered his flesh to the winds.But he was bait in a trap, he was the instrument ofthe owls.I couldn't even warn you.But you don't have to be their creature.You have a choice.You canstill listen to your heart.We can be together again, you and I.There's no true satisfaction for you,anywhere in the world, unless you have the hunger to be satisfied.I think you know that, in your heart.You knew it last night, didn't you, when you came to destroy me, and paused at the threshold? I knewthen that the owls hadn't made you entirely their own.I didn't build that curtain of cobwebs you did!You chose to awaken your own doubts, to play upon your own fears, because youknew , when you haddescended to the real core of your being, that you and I are still the same: both of us creatures of thenight; both of us hunters; both of us possessed of a hunger which nothing can satisfy but blood.I knewthen that there was still hope.Here I am, Anne.Don't turn me away.Don't reject me.I love you.Youcan't imagine how much I love you.The owls don't love you they're incapable of love as you and Iknow it.They have sex, after their own fashion, but they don'tlove , not with their hearts, not with everyfibre of their being, the way you and I do.Have you forgotten what it was like? I don't believe that youhave, or that you ever can.I was your first lover, and your only true lover.Let me love you, Anne.Comeinto the shadows,for ever.'I was tempted.It was unexpected, and all the more powerful because of that.I could feel the force ofhis persuasion.I didn't know whether what he said was true or false what do any of us know of thosereasons which the heart is supposed to have but of which logic knows nothing? but there wassomething in his voice which made me want to believe.His presence brought memories flooding backinto my mind, filling my mind with a kind of turbulence I hadn't felt since the moment of my imprisonmentin the owls cage of light.And yet.how could I trust him?'The owls are dangerous, Anne, he told me. They're cruel; they have no feelings.They're utterlycynical.They pretend that they're teaching you wisdom, but they're only making you into their instrument.They're all mind and no heart, all thought and no emotion.They're beautiful, in their way, but they'rerobotic, inhuman, anti-life.If you do what they want you to do, you'll become more and more like them.You'll become a killer, Anne: a bright and vicious thing, all caustic fire and corrosive brilliance.You'llbecome a destroyer, a thing without a heart.You've been carried away by their kind of vivid ecstasy, butit's all just show.Our kind of love is better by far: softer, more gentle, deeper, more meaningful.Youknow that, really, if you'll only listen to your heart.If you'll only resist the glamour of the owls, you'll seewhat you really need, what you really desire, what you really are.'I was tempted.It was all so very seductive, so very reassuring.But he no longer had the power tocaptivate me.I was no longer a ready-made victim.The iron had entered into my soul.'You're a kind of disease, Maldureve, I heard myself say,in Gil's voice ! The vocal cords were mine,and I could feel the words forming in my throat, but the voice was definitely Gil's. You're an openwound in the soul, which has to be cauterised and sterilised.''You don't believe that, Anne, he said, taking a step towards me.He was very substantial, very solid,for all that he was really made of shadows.I knew that if he were to seize me, catching me by the hair,and then yank my head back to expose my throat, he could drain all the blood from my body as easily asGil had drained the blood from Janine's.I felt that I was in mortal danger, and that the only real recourseI had was to yield, to say: Yes, it's okay.Do it [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]