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. Heglanced up at her impassively. Prob ly had. And why do you say that? He arched an eyebrow. Because he always drank, okay? Evenbefore he hurt his back.He d swing drunk, he d swing sober, and he dswing when he tried to kick the booze.And he did used ta try& itmade it worse. Kaczyk made a note on one of her bits of paper. Uh-huh.Andhow did things seem between him and your mom? 162 M.KingHow the fuck do you think? Tommy said nothing, though hewanted to.She obviously sought her answers in how he responded tothe questions, not in what he said.That made him uneasy.He wasn tused to being analyzed. Tommy? Kaczyk prompted. Did they fight? Argue? Did shegive as good as she got, or ? No! he snapped, louder than he meant to. No, she used tostand there and damn well take it, all right? And he d make like it dbeen a joke, or an accident, or& somethin .And she d let him.She lethim get away with it.And we had to too.Not& not s posed to makeDaddy mad.Just& keep quiet and be good. He looked down at the table, rubbing his fingers over thescratches.He couldn t believe he d let her do that.Manipulate him thatway.He glowered at her from under his lashes.Kaczyk returned hislook with a blank sort of one-size-fits-all sympathy.She didn tunderstand.People didn t.People never did. You can do that when you re big enough to understand how, Tommy muttered. Not when you re little. Kaczyk waited a beat, then leaned forward, tilting her head. Didhe hurt the kids, Tommy? No, he& he d get jealous, cause they needed Mom s attention,and he used ta take it out on her.Me n Scott, too, when we got older.We were ten when Robbie was born.Bigger.He never touched thelittle ones. Kaczyk tapped her pen against her files. Ten s big enough for abeating, huh? Tommy shrugged, not looking up. If you pissed him off.Embarrassed him.He& he used to have other women, up til the thingwith his back.Used to leave us in the car while he d& visit with em.Just& just look in my mother s medical file, okay? He gave hermore n sprains and fractures.Herpes, for one thing.He&. Tommyrubbed his knuckles over his forehead, wanting to push away the ache,not meeting the psychologist s gaze. He never let her say no.Youunderstand? You re saying Breaking Faith 163 I m saying I never grew up with a very balanced view ofrelationships. Kaczyk pursed her lips. You think that s why you find itdifficult to connect with women? Tommy gave her a withering look. What? No, I think that sbecause I don t wanna fu Look.I don t find it hard to connect withwomen.And I don t think my father s to blame for me likin guys.Itjust is, all right? It has nothin to do with Did he know? Doesn t strike me he d have been the mostsupportive parent. You unnerstan me? I will put a gun in your fuckin mouth, letyou suck on that& cocksucker.You want that? You know what that ddo?Tommy blinked. He d never have won Father of the Year, evensober. He peered wearily up at her. What do you want me to say? Hekicked the crap out of me? Yeah& but he did that anyway.He used tocall Scott a faggot and a cocksucker, too, and if he was any more red-blooded, he d fall over. Kaczyk smiled, the dimples by her mouth deepening. He looks more like Mom, too, Tommy went on. Dad used tocall him a chink.Say he looked like a poontang baby.That make itequal opportunities crap we had to take? The psychologist chuckled softly and made another note on herpapers.Tommy watched her do it, mildly annoyed. I think you re starting to enjoy yourself here, Tommy, she said. You re smart, aren t you? He shrugged, looking away. No, you are.You re smart and you re determined.Yougraduated high school.Your brother didn t. Doesn t make me any better.Brett s goin to college. Tommywinced even as the words left his mouth.Damn it.He hadn t meant tomention Brett. He s s posed to, anyway, he mumbled, rememberingthe money& the money that had paid for the lawyer that had broughtthis damn woman here in the first place. 164 M.KingTommy bit down on another burst of irritation.His fingersitched.She kept smiling at him. Yes&.I wanted to ask you about your boyfriend. Brett s got nothin to do with it. Kaczyk ran a hand over her honey-blonde dye job, smoothing theimmaculate strands. Oh, Tommy, come on.The accessory charge gotdropped.You don t need to protect him anymore. He looked at her for a long moment, then sighed.She wanted topick through his head, find out what made him tick? Fine. Look.When& when you get treated like trash, you act like it.Yeah? You lose pieces of yourself, and it s hard to get em back.Y need someone to& remind you.I never made friends easy.Notgood friends. Cause people, they see what things are like and theyback off. Cause it s complicated.It s different.And different frightenspeople. Kaczyk nodded, a small noise of encouragement on her lips.Tommy dropped his gaze to the table and shifted uncomfortablyin the chair. I d just got used to gettin by.I didn t think I needed&.Brett never judged me.Not once, not even when He stoppedabruptly. He s special.That s why I wanted him to go to Washingtonand not be& trapped. Like you? Tommy grunted noncommittally.He remembered watching theBronco drive off in the dust.The sound of the world breaking aroundhim.The fact that it actually, physically hurt.He d cried so hard hecouldn t breathe.Don t go&.Had he really thought Brett would have refused?Stayed and bullied him into coping? He wondered if it would havemade any difference if he had. So, especially after your brother moved out and your mom hadher accident, I mean, that left you in a very difficult position, didn t it,Tommy? That make you angry? Resentful? He shot her a scornful look, but Kaczyk had turned her attentionback to her paperwork. Breaking Faith 165 And you& you broke up with Brett.He s given his account toMr.Ribideaux, she added, by way of explanation. Very eloquentyoung man.He should be a great defense witness.But tell me,Tommy.All that& totally selfless? Really? You loved him enough tolet him go? Or did you want to protect him, maybe, from somethingyou planned to do? He stared at her in disbelief.The soft blue eyes had turned hard,and her questions were like belt whips across the back of his head. Tell me what happened that night, Tommy. He didn t& couldn t remember.Weird, because he d thoughtlike he d told the lawyer, even though he hadn t meant to sayanything that he d see it every time he closed his eyes.Instead, onlydarkness filled his head, full of hidden things weaving and rustling inthe shadows.Snatches of color, of impressions he didn t understand. I-I don t know, he said lamely.Kaczyk leaned forward, her tone hushed and confidential. Youknow, it s all right to be angry with the people we love [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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. Heglanced up at her impassively. Prob ly had. And why do you say that? He arched an eyebrow. Because he always drank, okay? Evenbefore he hurt his back.He d swing drunk, he d swing sober, and he dswing when he tried to kick the booze.And he did used ta try& itmade it worse. Kaczyk made a note on one of her bits of paper. Uh-huh.Andhow did things seem between him and your mom? 162 M.KingHow the fuck do you think? Tommy said nothing, though hewanted to.She obviously sought her answers in how he responded tothe questions, not in what he said.That made him uneasy.He wasn tused to being analyzed. Tommy? Kaczyk prompted. Did they fight? Argue? Did shegive as good as she got, or ? No! he snapped, louder than he meant to. No, she used tostand there and damn well take it, all right? And he d make like it dbeen a joke, or an accident, or& somethin .And she d let him.She lethim get away with it.And we had to too.Not& not s posed to makeDaddy mad.Just& keep quiet and be good. He looked down at the table, rubbing his fingers over thescratches.He couldn t believe he d let her do that.Manipulate him thatway.He glowered at her from under his lashes.Kaczyk returned hislook with a blank sort of one-size-fits-all sympathy.She didn tunderstand.People didn t.People never did. You can do that when you re big enough to understand how, Tommy muttered. Not when you re little. Kaczyk waited a beat, then leaned forward, tilting her head. Didhe hurt the kids, Tommy? No, he& he d get jealous, cause they needed Mom s attention,and he used ta take it out on her.Me n Scott, too, when we got older.We were ten when Robbie was born.Bigger.He never touched thelittle ones. Kaczyk tapped her pen against her files. Ten s big enough for abeating, huh? Tommy shrugged, not looking up. If you pissed him off.Embarrassed him.He& he used to have other women, up til the thingwith his back.Used to leave us in the car while he d& visit with em.Just& just look in my mother s medical file, okay? He gave hermore n sprains and fractures.Herpes, for one thing.He&. Tommyrubbed his knuckles over his forehead, wanting to push away the ache,not meeting the psychologist s gaze. He never let her say no.Youunderstand? You re saying Breaking Faith 163 I m saying I never grew up with a very balanced view ofrelationships. Kaczyk pursed her lips. You think that s why you find itdifficult to connect with women? Tommy gave her a withering look. What? No, I think that sbecause I don t wanna fu Look.I don t find it hard to connect withwomen.And I don t think my father s to blame for me likin guys.Itjust is, all right? It has nothin to do with Did he know? Doesn t strike me he d have been the mostsupportive parent. You unnerstan me? I will put a gun in your fuckin mouth, letyou suck on that& cocksucker.You want that? You know what that ddo?Tommy blinked. He d never have won Father of the Year, evensober. He peered wearily up at her. What do you want me to say? Hekicked the crap out of me? Yeah& but he did that anyway.He used tocall Scott a faggot and a cocksucker, too, and if he was any more red-blooded, he d fall over. Kaczyk smiled, the dimples by her mouth deepening. He looks more like Mom, too, Tommy went on. Dad used tocall him a chink.Say he looked like a poontang baby.That make itequal opportunities crap we had to take? The psychologist chuckled softly and made another note on herpapers.Tommy watched her do it, mildly annoyed. I think you re starting to enjoy yourself here, Tommy, she said. You re smart, aren t you? He shrugged, looking away. No, you are.You re smart and you re determined.Yougraduated high school.Your brother didn t. Doesn t make me any better.Brett s goin to college. Tommywinced even as the words left his mouth.Damn it.He hadn t meant tomention Brett. He s s posed to, anyway, he mumbled, rememberingthe money& the money that had paid for the lawyer that had broughtthis damn woman here in the first place. 164 M.KingTommy bit down on another burst of irritation.His fingersitched.She kept smiling at him. Yes&.I wanted to ask you about your boyfriend. Brett s got nothin to do with it. Kaczyk ran a hand over her honey-blonde dye job, smoothing theimmaculate strands. Oh, Tommy, come on.The accessory charge gotdropped.You don t need to protect him anymore. He looked at her for a long moment, then sighed.She wanted topick through his head, find out what made him tick? Fine. Look.When& when you get treated like trash, you act like it.Yeah? You lose pieces of yourself, and it s hard to get em back.Y need someone to& remind you.I never made friends easy.Notgood friends. Cause people, they see what things are like and theyback off. Cause it s complicated.It s different.And different frightenspeople. Kaczyk nodded, a small noise of encouragement on her lips.Tommy dropped his gaze to the table and shifted uncomfortablyin the chair. I d just got used to gettin by.I didn t think I needed&.Brett never judged me.Not once, not even when He stoppedabruptly. He s special.That s why I wanted him to go to Washingtonand not be& trapped. Like you? Tommy grunted noncommittally.He remembered watching theBronco drive off in the dust.The sound of the world breaking aroundhim.The fact that it actually, physically hurt.He d cried so hard hecouldn t breathe.Don t go&.Had he really thought Brett would have refused?Stayed and bullied him into coping? He wondered if it would havemade any difference if he had. So, especially after your brother moved out and your mom hadher accident, I mean, that left you in a very difficult position, didn t it,Tommy? That make you angry? Resentful? He shot her a scornful look, but Kaczyk had turned her attentionback to her paperwork. Breaking Faith 165 And you& you broke up with Brett.He s given his account toMr.Ribideaux, she added, by way of explanation. Very eloquentyoung man.He should be a great defense witness.But tell me,Tommy.All that& totally selfless? Really? You loved him enough tolet him go? Or did you want to protect him, maybe, from somethingyou planned to do? He stared at her in disbelief.The soft blue eyes had turned hard,and her questions were like belt whips across the back of his head. Tell me what happened that night, Tommy. He didn t& couldn t remember.Weird, because he d thoughtlike he d told the lawyer, even though he hadn t meant to sayanything that he d see it every time he closed his eyes.Instead, onlydarkness filled his head, full of hidden things weaving and rustling inthe shadows.Snatches of color, of impressions he didn t understand. I-I don t know, he said lamely.Kaczyk leaned forward, her tone hushed and confidential. Youknow, it s all right to be angry with the people we love [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]